By Thirroul author Chris Barker
My father, drunk again, is swaying down the hallway, kitchen knife in hand. Now 18, I have become taller and fitter than him. I dump him on his backside, disarm him and leave the house never to return.
This was the dramatic high point of my relationship with my father. He was not usually violent, but throughout my childhood, he was often drunk and exuded an air of menace. The atmosphere in our home was often tense, like the moment before a storm: what would my father do when he came home from work, via the pub?
I was angry with him, and had become a defiant, rebellious young man. This was the early 70s. I grew my hair long (my father hated it), I experimented with drugs, I embraced hippie values and far-left politics.
Through this, my mother rarely smiled. I thought she was depressed, though she denied it.
It has taken me years to process my childhood. However, with the aid of therapy and introspection, I am now content and free of depression. I realised that my father was not the monster I had believed him to be, and my mother loved me more than I had believed.
My father was a victim of World War II, suffering what we would now call PTSD. He had watched his friend killed in front of him on Day 2 of the D-Day landings. And having lost her father at the age of 10, my mother then experienced the death of her RAF pilot fiancé.
Their experiences impacted me in ways that illustrate the intergenerational passage of trauma which is both learned/cultural and epigenetic (the way the environment influences the functioning of genes).
My novel, Hungry Ghosts, is a letter of understanding and forgiveness to my (now deceased) parents. The concept of ‘Hungry Ghosts’, taken from Buddhist philosophy, refers to creatures for whom nothing is ever enough to be happy.
Set against the backdrop of World War II and the social upheaval of the late 1960s, Hungry Ghosts explores the intergenerational impact of war, particularly the intricate relationships between fathers and sons. It is an exploration of the indelible scars left by war on families.
War continues to rage across the globe, and with each one, the trauma goes on.
Hungry Ghosts by CJ Barker will be published by The Book Guild on March 28.
