Making a friend as an adult is hard. Making friends as a Mum is harder. Hands up who agrees?
I grew up in Wollongong but moved to Sydney when I was 16. I established my life up there, making close friends, but after getting pregnant – the first in our circle – we decided the rent was too high and the quality of life was way better back in the 'Gong. Other than my parents, I didn't really know anyone. I could have rekindled conversations with my old school friends but life had taken me in a different direction and, again, no one had kids at that time.
So how do you make new friends when you have no time for a social life?
I tried joining a local mother's group, which was a fantastic start. I reached out to local Facebook parenting groups and met up with a few people. I still have those friendly relationships and chat to them now and again, but I have never really 'hit it off' with anyone. I should also flag that I am an extroverted introvert. I'm loud when I'm comfortable within a group, but I recharge by being on my own. I'd rather spend a night in bed watching TV, than out at a party. Prioritising friendship is really difficult to me.
However, parenting life can be really lonely and sharing that experience with a friend IS a priority for me. The majority of the time I have my kids, so establishing a friendship while you're caring for kids is strenuous. You can't finish sentences because you're either interrupted or you forget what you were saying, you can't go anywhere unless it involves a park of some sort, it's tough to find time to go out by yourself as you have to rely on babysitters, have parenting guilt or no funds. You also need to find friends who have similar-aged kids because a 12-year-old is going to have different needs to a two-year-old. I am speaking generally, of course, but you get the point.
One day, I was at the Discovery Centre and started chatting with a fellow mum. She was lovely and on the same wave-length parenting-wise to me – another must-have. She lived in the northern Illawarra like me and had kids a similar age. I left the conversation abruptly, again, as you do as a parent, and thought, 'She was really cool'. Then I thought, 'F#$k it.' I found her again and asked her for her number to hang out sometime. It was the most embarrassing, awkward thing I've ever done. But whatever, right? I felt really proud of myself for getting the confidence. It may be the start of a long friendship, or she may become an acquaintance. But at least I tried.
Yes, it feels awkward, yes, you have to put yourself out there, but we're not in a school yard any more. You can't just wait for someone to jump on the seesaw with you and declare that you're best friends for life. It will take time, I will need to put in the effort and prioritise working on those relationships.
