On Thursday, September 7, brave women across the Illawarra shared their birth traumas at a hearing for the NSW parliamentary inquiry into traumatic births.
I've written previously about my own birth trauma, thinking it would act as therapy. That maybe if I wrote my feelings down, it would help me move past the pain. It didn't. I still cry at the drop of a hat when I think about that time in my life.
The inspiring co-founder of Better Births Illawarra, Sharon Settecasse, offered me a chance to share my story as part of the 4000 submissions to the inquiry. But I didn't do it. In my mind, I can honestly say that I don't think that my bad experience was anyone's fault.
Giving birth is the most ordinary thing a woman can do. We do it all across the globe, every single day. But when it's you in the hot seat, it is anything but ordinary. It is one of the most vulnerable times in your life.
I have heard people talking about the inquiry, saying that women should "stop over-planning their births", take it on the chin and follow the recommendations of the professionals, and I have also heard others say that women should have more agency over their decisions, "if we were fully informed, we could make the right decision for us". I'm not sure where I sit, honestly.
I knew what I was going into. From the day I saw my obstetrician, I knew I had a high-risk pregnancy. I was told upfront that when the lining of my c-section scar site got to 3mm thin, then I would be admitted to the hospital on bed rest. I had the decision to stay or leave (but knowing the closest hospital to me was 30 minutes away, I stayed). I also knew that my baby might not be able to breathe when he was born and would be taken to special care. The midwives even took me into special care to see what it was like whilst pregnant so I could get familiar. And none of it helped. I still barely moved throughout my pregnancy for fear of tearing, I still cried when my my previous c-section scar reached that pinnacle measurement before rupture and I had a panic attack when I was shown the special care room and when my baby was taken from me at birth.
Even the not so great experiences, I don't blame the system. Like when a nurse left out my breastmilk that I expressed in a previous feed and it had to be binned, or the nurse who told me I looked pale and miserable after four weeks in the hospital, or the one who congratulated me on 'finally' getting out of bed when I was on bed rest – those are just bad moments, received at an extremely vulnerable time in my life when anything could have sent me over the edge.
I'll never forget the nurses who sat with me to keep me company when family couldn't visit during Covid, the nurse who advocated for me to switch from two-hourly feeds that were killing me to three-hourly feeds, the doctors who cheered when my son put on weight. Everyone was just trying to do the best they could at the time.
Other women have experienced much worse circumstances than I did. There is obviously a problem when 7 out of 10 women miss out on personalised care with the Midwifery Group Practice – a proven method that results in less birth trauma. A worthy cause, for sure.
But for my son's birth – it is what it is. It was no one's fault or the system's fault. It was just a shitty situation.
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Parents in need of support can find help via Lifeline, ParentLine, Raising Children
