It's my youngest's second birthday this week. I officially have a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a two-year-old. Wow, what a moment to reflect as he moves out of the chunky baby phase and turns into a little boy. But I have a burning feeling that I just can't shake – I still don't feel done yet.
I know – it is insane to write that. My life is chaos and I would give anything for a silent bath by myself but it's true.
Everyone has told me that you'll know when you're done. I definitely felt that after my last was born. Mind you, I was in the hospital for a month on bed rest as the little man and I battled some serious complications, so that feeling was potentially influenced. But now, I'm not so sure. We had a boy's name and a girl's name picked out for our last born and when we got a puppy just recently, my partner turned to me and said, 'We should use the girl's name.' I immediately said no. I was shocked by my answer and so was he. He's always up for babies so he needs no convincing.
Do I really want to do it again?
Four is silly, right? You need new cars, new renovations or a new house. And our lives are finally settling – I started my own business, we bought a house, I'm finally getting in a good routine with my health and fitness and slowly getting over the trauma of my last birth. But I just can't help but feeling like I'm not done. It wouldn't be for a while, maybe a few years but one day... maybe. But then I'd be back into nappies, back being chained to the couch and milking like a cow. This decision is so hard!
My gosh, I love my kiddies! Hate being pregnant but love the joyful chaos they all individually bring to my life. So my question to you is – how did you know it was time to close shop? Will I ever know?
