Vote 1 for Tony Ryan

Too soon? It’s never too soon when you have 2025 election promises like these!

As this fine publication reaches your letterbox, the election will be over. During it, you may have seen our politicians as they flew over or drove through Wollongong on the way to a marginal seat. Not that they would think to stop! I’ve always been amazed with the big promises both sides offer. And they make out like it’s their money they are spending. They forget sometimes that it is ours.

Sadly, I have to admit that Big Brother is watched at our house. It would be good if we get a group of politicians onto the show. It would be entertaining with all the challenges that they would have to do – the prize would be winning a marginal seat. One challenge would be having to sing There’s a hole in the bucket non-stop for three hours. Not only for the entertainment value but just a month without having to listen to any of them!

Their biggest mistake is they all ‘go large’ on their promises. If they went small then it might appeal to the common folk. Maybe I might stand at the next election, so here are a few of my election promises, mainly centred around crime and punishment and cost of living:

1. People who walk their dogs and pick up dog poo. Fantastic effort! But the ones who then tie the plastic bag to the hand rail on the bridges along the bike path! You picked it up, now find a bin.

For these people: for the next week everyone in the neighbourhood will put a bag full of poo and tie it to the fence at their home!

And to all the people who say their dog is so smart – well, the day I do a poo when going for a walk and my dog picks it up and puts it in a bin… then I know my dog is the smartest!

2. To the people who get their name engraved on a padlock and then lock it to the fence at the top of Sublime Point. If you break up then you have to remove the lock. Failure to do so after six months will result in being part of a working bee at the top of the point to clean all the rust your lock has caused.

3. People who drive south on Princes Highway at Bulli then get into the left-hand lane when there is a 200m wait at Park Road, then try to sneak back into the right lane before the traffic lights. Would you jump the queue at Maccas? No, but it’s alright to do it in the car? I think not!

4. Talking of Maccas – the people who still can’t decide what to get when they reach the front of the queue. The menu has not changed in about 20 years! It’ not that difficult! Your punishment? Eat plant-based hamburgers for a week.

5. If you still have your Christmas decorations up in February, then you have to leave them up all year and turn them on every night.

6. If you leave your shopping trolley next to your car and do not put it back in the space provided. It’s not that hard to walk 20m! Or the people who have hit your car with a trolley. If you can’t control a trolley, how are you allowed to drive a car? Your punishment? Go to all the cars in the car park with some touch-up paint and repair all the trolley dings people have. You will start with the three I have.

7. Graffiti taggers. You think it’s cool to ‘tag’ a sporting club house? Well, the sporting grounds are a second home to many families so the players at the clubs should be able to tag your home or car! Won’t be so cool then, will it?

8. The muttonheads who do ‘donuts’ on sporting fields and cause the cancellation of kids’ sport. Your punishment? Entertain the 200 or so kids who might have used the field for the whole day.

9. On public transport, having the sound on your iPod or computer so loud that other passengers can only hear the ‘doof doof’. Your punishment? Go to an old folks’ home and ask each and every resident: “What was it like for you growing up?”

10. People who stand on the right-hand side of the escalator. You’re not at Jamberoo Action Park. There is nothing to see! Just go to the left and let people rushing for their train run past you. You never know, they might fall over and – bingo! – there’s your entertainment!

11. People at work who eat tuna in the lunch room and then throw the empty can face up in the bin. If you haven’t noticed yet, it stinks. Your punishment? Empty the bins for a week.

12. For the people who go on WIN News and complain about the cost of living. Most are covered in $4000 worth of tattoos and have a 70-inch plasma TV. Your punishment? A week of fruit-picking in the outback might be good for you!

I’m not sure if any of these policies would get me elected, but at least we’ll have some fun with it.