It stings when you're not the preferred parent

Motherhood is a journey filled with unparalleled love and joy. Yet, amidst the giggles, cuddles and bedtime stories, there are moments that sting. A personal moment of mine is as I’ve realised that I’m not the preferred parent. It’s all about Dad.

I can only speak from the perspective of a mum but that is a hard pill to swallow, a bruise to the ego, and a whirlwind of emotions all at once. I birthed these kids, held them in my body for nine months each, made every decision in my life to benefit theirs and they always want their dad over me.

Now, I am being dramatic. Of course, they do call for me equally to my partner but he is definitely the fun one. The one who plays all the games, acts silly and does all the voices for book characters at bedtime.

And as a mother, I feel like that hits differently. It is fantastic that my partner is so engaged and present in their lives and that is what makes me love him even more. But for a mum, not being the preferred parent feels like I’ve failed. At least that is what my inner voice is telling me – mostly out of old-school social expectations, that the mum should be the main carer.

To be honest, I have never been that good with little kids. Before having kids, I never gravitated to people's kids, was the favourite aunty, or who even knew what to say to a child. But my partner did. He is great with kids. He has the patience and mindset to fully engage with kids, which is probably why he became a teacher.

I think (and hope!) that my time will come later in their lives. When the more complex feelings start. I guess for now, I’ll do what I can and just ensure they know the resilience of my love and know that my role is invaluable.