Parenting in a gender-neutral environment
I have two sons and a daughter. My daughter is the middle child and I must admit, I cried when I found out. Not because I was necessarily hoping for a girl but that I was so pleased that I'd experience being a mum to both a girl and a boy. My...
I have two sons and a daughter. My daughter is the middle child and I was ecstatic when I found out – not because I was necessarily hoping for a girl, but I was so pleased that I'd experience being a mum to both a girl and a boy. Wanting to raise confident feminists is a priority for me, but I've found it difficult to navigate (already).
We want to raise our kids to be themselves without being limited by societal expectations. We've never played into traditional home roles, and when my children were born, my partner and I made a conscious effort to create a gender-neutral environment at home.
We avoid gender-specific colours, dressing our sons in pink and our daughter in blue, and for toys, we give everyone babies and cars. These may sound like superficial acts, but we hope that by doing this, we provide our kids with a range of options that allow them to explore their interests without any preconceived notions of what they should or should not like.
However, I've noticed that they still gradually play into a boy/girl world. The impact of third-party influences on children's development is undeniable. And, if I am honest, I am sure they pick up certain things from me and my partner as well.
I am a firm believer that children are a product of both nature and nurture. It's difficult to shield your kids from everyone else's influence in the world, whether it is daycare or school, media and the extended family. When Christmas and birthdays come, my daughter will always get a princess outfit (or something similar) and my sons will always get a superhero outfit (or something similar). Which is fine (I think), because they do love those dress-ups, but I wonder what the bigger impact is.
Strangely, I also find myself happy and delighted when my youngest son nurses a baby, but concerned about the patriarchy's influence when my daughter does it. Am I overthinking it?
I guess all we can do as parents is to try and educate our little ones about their role in society and model gender-neutral behaviours so at the very least we can help them grow up to be confident, open-minded and accepting individuals who are comfortable with themselves and others.
