Q&A with an end-of-life doula

Illawarra local Carolyn Vaughan is an end-of-life doula who'll be speaking at events this month as part of The Groundswell Project Australia’s annual campaign, Dying to Know Day (8 August), which aims to improve the 'death literacy' of Australians.

"No two days or weeks are the same," Carolyn says about her work. Her tasks might include anything from writing legacy documents, cleaning out a house and organising respite for carers to supporting a family as a loved one takes their last breath and conducting a family-led funeral.

Carolyn kindly took time to answer questions.

Please tell us a bit about yourself.

I have 30 years’ experience in State government, working in the early childhood sector advocating for quality in care for children (a vulnerable group requiring advocacy from others).

I’ve been a wedding and funeral celebrant for 16 years, a foster mother for 13 years and was carer for both my parents until they died.

These experiences have brought me to training in Aged Care and working as an end-of-life educator and doula, as well as a death café facilitator.

This work is all about conducting project work and facilitating community conversations that focus on the end-of-life space. The aim is to improve people’s knowledge and experience of what is possible, on behalf of the Capacity Healthy End of Life Program through La Trobe University.

I am also an Educator and Trainer for Preparing the Way, which is an organisation that provides End-of-Life Doula Training.

Strong supporter of The Groundswell Project Australia’s annual Dying to Know Day and open conversation in community about end-of-life matters.

How did you come to be an end-of-life doula?

My doula journey began after I had been a carer for both my parents as they journeyed toward end-of-life and death.

After experiencing a very medicalised death with my father, I was left asking many questions around how this could have been a very different experience for him and my family. During this time, we were left on the outside and not consulted or drawn in to his care.

So, when my mother received a diagnosis of Metastatic Melanoma, we set our sails on a new and different journey – one where she was encouraged to be the captain of her own ship.

Together, we talked through her choices and what she was wanting for her journey.  We talked about how she could have choice, capacity and control in every decision she was going to have to make. We made sure all her legal paperwork was in order and then her funeral wishes, her Advance Care Directive and her Emotional Will.

Both my parents died in my arms, both had completely different journeys.

My wish is for people to know and to be informed about the choices they are able to make for their end-of-life, and the ways they can share that information with family and friends so they will know how they can best support you on your journey.

How will you be marking 'Dying to Know Day'?

Dying to Know Day runs right through August and often September depending on when people are holding events.

This year I am thrilled to be running several events across the Illawarra region to raise awareness of Dying to Know Day and to encourage people to ‘Get Dead Set’ by having those sometimes-awkward conversations with family about their wishes and dreams for end-of-life. We often thin we have plenty of times for these discussions, until we don’t.

Conversations about end of life should not happen at end-of-life, because we are all grief stricken. I like to think of it as giving your family a gift – a gift of conversation and sharing and love.

I will also be spending a moment remembering those who lead me to this place of sharing with others what I have learnt, so that other people’s journeys may perhaps be easier and better informed.

The Groundswell Project Australia’s annual campaign, Dying to Know Day (8 August) encourages people of all ages and stages of life to prioritise end-of-life planning. This new data helps to paint a picture around how Australians can ‘get dead set’ by having conversations about death and preparing an end-of-life plan.

For more information, visit www.dyingtoknowday.com